Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
BRING THE BAGELS
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
