Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
