Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
