Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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