is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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