Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself

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(+31): View more from The Netherlands

No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.

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(917): View more from New York City

I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.

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(734): View more from Michigan

How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?

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(512): View more from Texas

Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon

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(435): View more from Utah

Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids

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(773): View more from Illinois

i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.

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(151): View more from

I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.

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(838): View more from

I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now

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