Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
