Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
