I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
