look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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