Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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