Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
