im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
