Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
