If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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