So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
