I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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