i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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