Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
