A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
