I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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