i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
