The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
operation harelip BJ is a go
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Vodka?
Forever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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