I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
