You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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