Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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