Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
