I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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