You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
