He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
