So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
