yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
