Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
