I seem to have left my pride at pride
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
