so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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