Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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