Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize