Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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