is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
