Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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