remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
