I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
