He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
