Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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