Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
