I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
