I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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