I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
