The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
My balls are so social today.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
