hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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