I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He better not be in your backpack
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
